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托福独立写作高分的方法分享 托福考试

学习经验 托福

2019年07月14日 21:20:21
6月之后一场托福考试前,你需要知道独立写作高分的很佳方法 ,2019年,托福独立写作拿高分难度明显增加,独立写作的低分雷区和提分的很佳方法。
题目原文
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
It is more enjoyable to have a job where you work only three days a week for long hours than to have a job where you work five days a week for shorter hours.
Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.
本篇文章练习时间:2019.5.18
回答原文
First of all, work should not occupy most of our time. We should spend more time on enjoying our lives and company with families. As the pace of society quickens, work becomes more and more tiring. It is hard to plan a comfortable trip in two days. Therefore, most people choose to stay at home during the two-day break every week. Take my father as an example, he is always busy with his work, on weekends he seldom takes part in sports activities or goes out, because it is his rest time, he wants to stay at home and just watch TV. When he was young, he liked traveling very much, but he didn't have time to go out now because of work.
1. 逻辑:整体的逻辑观点很清晰:工作三天休闲时间多,有时间陪家人。在因果论证过程中有概念去解释,即:工作五天使得我们没有时间出去准备一个长时间的旅行。但考生并没有和家人陪伴联系起来,同时这个理由其实不是非常的有说服力,因为不是所有的人都想要通过出去旅游的方式来陪伴家人。
2. 内容:拓展的时候举了自己父亲的例子,在托福中是可以非常常见的。但是仔细来看这个例子的内容,就会发现并没有特别的切题,因为讲的是父亲现在没有时间去陪伴家人,接着又提到他在年轻的时候很喜欢旅行,但他也因为工作没有时间出去。过去和现在都没有时间陪家人,对比的意义何在?所以在做支撑的时候,和前面的三天/五天扣题不紧密,也就是“休闲的时间多陪伴家人”不紧密。
3. 语言:语法问题上首先是连接词,考生基本上会用逗号连接句子,这个是考生常见错误。同时,整体句式多变性不够,比如在写第二句到第四句话的时候,基本上都是以简单句为主。会影响在语言方面的得分。
整体得分
托福写作得分为三档:limited(0-2), fair(2.5-3.5) ,good (4-5),取综合写作和独立写作的平均分换算为30分制。本段落符合fair的评分标准,该学生根据此段水平,独立写作真考分数应为18-19分。

修改意见
根据内容中的逻辑不缜密问题:将其理由修改因果论证,加入社会竞争激烈比较大,人们不得不长时间加班,而导致没有时间陪伴家人一起旅行。
句式角度:插入with/after的介词作状语,同时增加逻辑连接词如instead的使用,加入相应的从句加强句式多样性。
从词汇角度:呈现常用且好用的短语或者词汇:it is common;extra hours; coach potato; excessive overtime; wind down.
First of all, work should not occupy most of our time. Instead, we should spend more time on enjoying our lives and company with families. As the pace of society quickens and it is common for companies to ask their employees to work extra hours, working for five days a week becomes more and more tiring. It is difficult for a full-time employee to plan a comfortable family trip within two days. Therefore, most people choose to just stay at home as coach potatoes to wind their worries down after a whole week’s excessive overtime. Take my father as an example. He is always busy with his work, so on weekends he seldom takes part in sports activities or hangs outwith us, because it is his rest time,and all he wants to do is staying at home and watching TV.

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